I am tossing my pen , lazily. I am not interested at all to take down the notes . To be frank , I am not into any of the subjects I am learning save one subject (because of the person who makes the subject interesting). I always wonder how I got stuck into a world where, I believe, I don’t belong. I always have a strange feeling like I don’t belong to the field I am into.
I don’t know when this started nor the reason for it. But the thoughts kept coming back to me . Thoughts about my life, my passion , my dreams….. and wait , yes , my passion. So what’s my passion? what am I passionate about?
Well, I don’t know!!
I have been doing a lot of things like blogging, learning a new language and learning an instrument too , but they don’t satisfy me. I always feel empty. I always feel there is something out there which satisfies the hunger in me . Each time I start new improvements in my life I feel like” yeah , this is the one I am searching for” and as the time fades I find myself craving for more and more . As a result, my focus is scattered like light , everywhere and my success rate is not up to mark.
Right now , my college life sucks and I have this feeling of wasting my time attending lectures which are not at all useful to me. I am just very confused.
I am facing this for past one year and I have no idea what is the anecdote for this kind of feeling of lacking passion. I know that there is something out there , waiting for me to achieve it and the worst part is I don’t know what it is. Sometimes , I feel I would go insane by thinking too much.
I did share this with one of my friend about this and she said I’m overthinking and I should stop it. But , How could I ? Deep down my heart will not stop it.I just couldn’t ignore these thoughts . Seems like everyone is happy with their lives and there is me with these crazy thoughts.
All I wanted to do is to lie on my bed the complete day without doing anything. And I have this bad feeling deep down that something is wrong with me.
Did you ever had such feeling or I am the odd one out? Do you think it’s normal and I should ignore it? I need your suggestions.